From a very young age, we are able to communicate with others. Babies cry, coo, and babble. Older children point, talk, whine, and cry. Adults talk, cry, laugh, yell, and use hand gestures. As adults, we can tell when others feel a certain way by their facial expressions, their tone of voice, and their body movements. Children are perceptive. They also can tell when we aren't really interested, are angry, happy, or upset, and when we are irritated. Their ability to read social cues doesn't always guide their actions but we can help them by talking to them in ways that encourage the behavior we want to see.
1. Tell, don't ask. When you want your child to do something, don't ask. Tell. For example, "DJ, can you get ready for bed?" asks Mom. "No thanks," DJ replies. Technically, he isn't disobeying because she did ask. How about this one: "Erin, would you like to help set the table?" Dad asks. "No I don't feel like it," Erin replies. Again, she's not wrong in her reply. When you want your child to do something, tell him. "DJ, go put your pajamas on and brush your teeth please." "Erin, come put the plates and cups on the table please." There's no room for interpretation here. And, no is not a good response.
2. Watch your tone. Everyone has other things to do. There's usually a long list of home chores, work that was brought home from the office, and even things we want to do for ourselves (exercise, relax, etc.). Feeling overwhelmed, tired, angry at someone else, and even disinterested can spill over in how we speak to our children. But, it's important to make sure they don't feel terrible, burdensome, or unloved because of these other issues. Take a deep breath, pretend if you have to, and listen intently for the short time your child is speaking to you. When she is finished, respond politely as you would expect her to and move on. It doesn't take long to complete an interaction like this and it can make a tremendous difference to a child if we respond positively. You can communicate to your child that they are the most important person in the world to you, at that moment in time, just by listening with all your being. If you are busy, simply state that and tell your child when a better time would be.
3. Make time to talk to them. It's important to create and maintain bonds with our children. Some children love to talk, some love to listen. Regardless, making time to talk with or listen to your child can benefit both of you. It will help make your child feel loved and important and it's a good time to get to know what's going on in their world. Try taking a couple of extra minutes at bed time when you tuck him in. Or, during the car ride to school or practice. Or, while eating dinner as a family.
1. Tell, don't ask. When you want your child to do something, don't ask. Tell. For example, "DJ, can you get ready for bed?" asks Mom. "No thanks," DJ replies. Technically, he isn't disobeying because she did ask. How about this one: "Erin, would you like to help set the table?" Dad asks. "No I don't feel like it," Erin replies. Again, she's not wrong in her reply. When you want your child to do something, tell him. "DJ, go put your pajamas on and brush your teeth please." "Erin, come put the plates and cups on the table please." There's no room for interpretation here. And, no is not a good response.
2. Watch your tone. Everyone has other things to do. There's usually a long list of home chores, work that was brought home from the office, and even things we want to do for ourselves (exercise, relax, etc.). Feeling overwhelmed, tired, angry at someone else, and even disinterested can spill over in how we speak to our children. But, it's important to make sure they don't feel terrible, burdensome, or unloved because of these other issues. Take a deep breath, pretend if you have to, and listen intently for the short time your child is speaking to you. When she is finished, respond politely as you would expect her to and move on. It doesn't take long to complete an interaction like this and it can make a tremendous difference to a child if we respond positively. You can communicate to your child that they are the most important person in the world to you, at that moment in time, just by listening with all your being. If you are busy, simply state that and tell your child when a better time would be.
3. Make time to talk to them. It's important to create and maintain bonds with our children. Some children love to talk, some love to listen. Regardless, making time to talk with or listen to your child can benefit both of you. It will help make your child feel loved and important and it's a good time to get to know what's going on in their world. Try taking a couple of extra minutes at bed time when you tuck him in. Or, during the car ride to school or practice. Or, while eating dinner as a family.
